Sex and Marriage in Islam Compared to Christianity: What do the Foundational Documents Say?
Child brides? Sex in heaven? Singleness? Slave girls? Multiple wives?
Subscribe to our free Substack mailing list:
https://streettheologian.substack.com/
Or find us on X
https://twitter.com/StreetTheologn
Or Insta:
instagram.com/streettheologianapologetics/
1. A covenant between a man, a woman and God?
2. Singleness?
3. How many wives?
4. Slave girls?
5. Child marriage?
6. Sex in heaven?
7. The path of Jesus
Thanks for reading Street Theologian! This post is public so feel free to share it.
An article on foundational source documents, not an article for name-calling
Please note 1: This article is not interested in calling names or venturing into personal attacks, rather we seek to take a look at the foundational source documents of Islam and Christianity.
A very substantial portion of words in this article are source document material from the Bible, the Hadith and the Qur’an. We’re interested in what foundational sources say.
No one has a pure track record except Jesus
Please note 2: This topic is one that triggers a wide variety of emotions in people including guilt, shame, trauma, disappointment and more. In Christianity, all humans are fallen and in need of Christ’s grace. We cannot work our way to God. We all have wounds that need healing. As such, I have no interest in trying to prove the moral superiority of myself or other Christians. I would have quit writing long ago if that’s what I was about. We are all sinners.
Rather, I would point you to Jesus. Christians and also many Muslims agree Jesus did not sin. Jesus accepts the rejected, carries the fallen, cleanses the impure and embraces the hurting. Dark cracks in our lives a pathway for the light of Christ to shine if we open our hearts to Him.
Is Jesus GOD in Matthew, Mark and Luke? 20 Key Considerations
Two Great Misconceptions About Christianity: 1-Minute Case
Bible quotations are from the ESV while Qur’anic quotations are from Saheeh International unless noted otherwise.
In a recent article, we outlined 20 similarities between Christianity and Islam. However, we noted within these similarities there are points of difference. Marriage and sex is one such area.
Christianity and Islam: 20 Similarities
A covenant between a man, a woman and God?
At a surface level, it may seem Christianity and Islam hold to similar views of sex and marriage.
Christianity and Islam both view marriage as a sacred covenant act before God.
Matthew 19:5–6: ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Surah 4:1: O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allāh, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allāh is ever, over you, an Observer.
In both Christianity and Islam, marriage is between a man and a woman and marriage is the rightful context for the practice of sex.
However, there are some differences.
Singleness
In Christianity, singleness is still prized and can be considered a gift from God.
Most notably, Jesus Himself was not married.
1 Corinthians 7:7–8: I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.
1 Corinthians 7:32–35: I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
Matthew 19:10–12: The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
By contrast, in Islam, marriage is a significant step towards spiritual perfection.
One Islamic site explains:
“Islam is totally opposed to monasticism and celibacy… Islam also regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection.
The Prophet said, “One who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half.” How true! A person who fulfills his sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in spiritual pursuits.”
In Christianity, marriage is limited to one man and one woman (Matt. 19:4–6).
Is sex with slave girls allowed outside of marriage?
However, in Islam, multiple wives are permitted. Moreover, sexual intercourse with those “whom your right hand possesses” or slave girls is acceptable outside of marriage.
Surah 33:50: O Prophet, indeed We have made lawful to you your wives to whom you have given their due compensation and those your right hand possesses from what Allāh has returned to you [of captives] and the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your paternal aunts and the daughters of your maternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal aunts who emigrated with you and a believing woman if she gives herself to the Prophet [and] if the Prophet wishes to marry her; [this is] only for you, excluding the [other] believers. We certainly know what We have made obligatory upon them concerning their wives and those their right hands possess, [but this is for you] in order that there will be upon you no discomfort [i.e., difficulty]. And ever is Allāh Forgiving and Merciful.
Surah 23:5–7: And they who guard their private parts. Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed — But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors.
This theme is continued in the Hadith literature.
A woman’s marriage means nothing when she becomes a captive?
Chapter (heading/ description): It is permissible to have sexual intercourse with a captive woman after she is purified (of menses or delivery) in case she has a husband; her marriage is abrogated after she becomes captive.
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (Allah her pleased with him) reported that at the Battle of Hanain Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him) sent an army to Autas and encountered the enemy and fought with them. Having overcome them and taken them captives, the Companions of Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him) seemed to refrain from having intercourse with captive women because of their husbands being polytheists. Then Allah, Most High, sent down regarding that: “And women already married, except those whom your right hands possess (iv. 24)” (i.e. they were lawful for them when their ‘Idda period came to an end).
Coitus interruptus and slave women?
Abu Sirma said to Abu Sa’id al Khadri (Allah he pleased with him): O Abu Sa’id, did you hear Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him) mentioning al-‘azl? He said: Yes, and added: We went out with Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him) on the expedition to the Bi’l-Mustaliq and took captive some excellent Arab women; and we desired them, for we were suffering from the absence of our wives, (but at the same time) we also desired ransom for them. So we decided to have sexual intercourse with them but by observing ‘azl (Withdrawing the male sexual organ before emission of semen to avoid conception). But we said: We are doing an act whereas Allah’s Messenger is amongst us; why not ask him? So we asked Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him), and he said: It does not matter if you do not do it, for every soul that is to be born up to the Day of Resurrection will be born.
File:Otto Pilny — At the slave market.jpeg — Wikimedia Commons
Narrated Ibn Muhairiz: I saw Abu Sa`id and asked him about coitus interruptus. Abu Sa`id said, “We went with Allah’s Apostle, in the Ghazwa of Bani Al-Mustaliq and we captured some of the ‘Arabs as captives, and the long separation from our wives was pressing us hard and we wanted to practice coitus interruptus. We asked Allah’s Messenger (whether it was permissible). He said, “It is better for you not to do so. No soul, (that which Allah has) destined to exist, up to the Day of Resurrection, but will definitely come, into existence.”
File:Otto Pilny — At the slave market.jpeg — Wikimedia Commons
Married women forbidden except slave girls?
Abu Sa’id Al Khudri said “The Apostle of Allah sent a military expedition to Awtas on the occasion of the battle of Hunain. They met their enemy and fought with them. They defeated them and took them captives. Some of the Companions of Apostle of Allah were reluctant to have relations with the female captives because of their pagan husbands. So, Allaah the exalted sent down the Qur’anic verse “And all married women (are forbidden) unto you save those (captives) whom your right hand possess.” This is to say that they are lawful for them when they complete their waiting period.
Otto Pilny Slave Market
Is the Bible pro having sex with slave girls outside of marriage? No
Before we look at Deuteronomy 21:10–14, it is critical to note the Mosaic law does not present a perfect moral ideal for all time, rather, makes an incremental step towards the ideal moral standard ushered in by Christ. Two key examples of this are laws concerning divorce and laws concerning kings.
In 1 Samuel 8, the people of Israel come before God asking for a king. God suggests this is not a good idea (v.7) but allows it anyway (v.22).
Deuteronomy 17:14–20 contains laws for a king governing the people of Israel even though we know this is not God’s ideal!
Concerning divorce, in Matthew 19:8, Jesus says, “He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.”
In other words, God’s law (eg. Deut 24:1 for divorce) was factoring in the hardness of heart of the individuals the covenant was created with, despite the fact God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16).
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus presents moral perfection or God’s ideal.
More here:
SLAVERY and the Bible: Your Comprehensive Guide
Even then, the Bible DOES NOT encourage the rape of female war captives.
Deuteronomy 21:10–14
Let’s look at Deuteronomy 21:10–14 concerning female captives.
“When you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God gives them into your hand and you take them captive, 11 and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you desire to take her to be your wife, 12 and you bring her home to your house, she shall shave her head and pare her nails. 13 And she shall take off the clothes in which she was captured and shall remain in your house and lament her father and her mother a full month. After that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. 14 But if you no longer delight in her, you shall let her go where she wants. But you shall not sell her for money, nor shall you treat her as a slave, since you have humiliated her.
Rape was a common practice in ancient Near Eastern societies during times of war.
The Iliad
In Homer’s Iliad, Nestor threatens Achaean Greek soldiers with death if they don’t “properly” conquer Troy, implying the rape of Trojan women (Iliad 2.354–359). Similarly, Polybius describes Roman forces practicing conquest rape, making it a standard condition for female war captives.
Gang rape of Greek women
Herodotus recounts the gang rape of Greek women to death by Persian soldiers, while Diodorus Siculus portrays Greek women and youths being raped by Carthaginians as a prelude to captivity.
Rape as a victory move in neolithic societies
In neolithic societies, rape was a common practice, often accompanied by the killing of other men from the opposing tribe and the forced incorporation of women into the victor’s group.
By contrast, this passage offers tremendous protection to women who in their cultural context would have otherwise been raped and treated as the lowest of the low. Again, the law is not setting a perfect moral ideal but is regulating practices within a barbaric society.
Note regarding Deuteronomy 21:10–14:
- Rape is prohibited: A man cannot sleep with a war captive unless they are married.
- The woman is given time to mourn
- The woman is unable to be sold
- The woman is unable to be treated as a slave but as a wife
- If the man seeks a divorce the woman is allowed complete freedom to go where she wants
- The woman is protected by marriage in a society that would otherwise have degraded and disregarded her
- This is not a moral idea for all times but a culturally situated instruction designed to push against cultural depravity at the time
Again, context is everything.
How many wives are allowed in Islam? At least four.
Surah 4:3: And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hands possess [i.e., slaves]. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].
However, Muhammad was allowed more than this (Surah 33:50–52) according to Allah.
Muhammad slept with nine wives in one night
Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Hadith Number 142: The Prophet used to pass by (have sexual relations with) all his wives in one night, and at that time he had nine wives.
In Christianity, no sex is permitted outside of marriage.
Furthermore, in Christianity, a man is expected to love his wife as Christ loved the church.
This involves sacrificially serving and leading her, having implications for sexual behaviour as well. There are differences between sexual expectations in marriage between Islam and Christianity.
Sex in marriage
In a Christian marriage, sex is a means by which you serve your partner. Their needs need to be prioritised above your own.
As Glen Scrivener explains in the Air We Breathe, 1 Corinthians 7, in effect, grabbed Christian men by the testicles going completely against the culture at the time.
Goodreads
1 Corinthians 7:3–5: The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Ephesians 5:28–29: In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
1 Peter 3:7 teaches if men are not understanding towards their wives their prayers will be hindered.
In the Qur’an, there are some differences to Christianity in this area.
Surah 4:34: “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allāh would have them guard.
But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance — [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Exalted and Grand.”
Surah 2:223: Your wives are a place of cultivation [i.e., sowing of seed] for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allāh and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers.
We see similar themes in the Hadith literature:
Chest striking
Sahih Muslim Book 4, Hadith Number 2127:
He (Muhammad) struck me (Aisha) on the chest which caused me pain, and then said: Did you think that Allah and His Apostle would deal unjustly with you?
Thanks for reading Street Theologian! This post is public so feel free to share it.
Skin green from beating
Aisha said that the lady (came), wearing a green veil (and complained to her (Aisha) of her husband and showed her a green spot on her skin caused by beating). It was the habit of ladies to support each other, so when Allah’s Messenger came, `Aisha said, “I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women. Look! Her skin is greener than her clothes!”
Allah permits Muhammad to sleep with a female slave despite the jealousy of his wives Aisha and Hafsah
It was narrated from Anas, that the Messenger of Allah had a female slave with whom he had intercourse, but ‘Aisha and Hafsah would not leave him alone until he said that she was forbidden for him. Then Allah, the Mighty and Sublime, revealed:
“O Prophet! Why do you forbid (for yourself) that which Allah has allowed to you.’ until the end of the Verse.
Leaving the oven to have sex when called to?
Talq bin Ali narrated that The Messenger of Allah said:
“When a man calls his wife to fulfill his need, then let her come, even if she is at the oven.”
One Islamic site explains this Hadith in clearer terms:
When a man calls his wife to fulfill his sexual desire, she should immediately respond to him, even if she is busy doing something that none but her can do, such as baking or cooking.
Child Brides
Another area of difference between Christianity and Islam is child brides.
Even in recent times, Muslims still defend the idea of child brides.
Why is this? Because of the example of Muhammad.
Muhammad is described as a man of great moral character (Surah 68:4).
Moreover, Surah 3:31 adds:
Say, [O Muḥammad], “If you should love Allāh, then follow me, [so] Allāh will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allāh is Forgiving and Merciful.”
Muhammad married Aisha when she was 6–7 years old and had sex with her when she was 9 while he was in his 50s (Muhammad died in his early 60s so subtract 9 as he died when she was 18)
Narrated `Aisha: that the Prophet married her when she was six years old and he consummated his marriage when she was nine years old. Hisham said: I have been informed that `Aisha remained with the Prophet for nine years (i.e. till his death).
Narrated `Aisha: “I used to play with the dolls in the presence of the Prophet, and my girl friends also used to play with me. When Allah’s Messenger used to enter (my dwelling place) they used to hide themselves, but the Prophet would call them to join and play with me.
(The playing with the dolls and similar images is forbidden, but it was allowed for `Aisha at that time, as she was a little girl, not yet reached the age of puberty).”
‘A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that Allah’s Apostle married her when she was seven years old, and he was taken to his house as a bride when she was nine, and her dolls were with her; and when he (the Holy Prophet) died she was eighteen years old.
Does the Bible encourage marriage to prepubescent girls? NO!
The Bible is against the idea of marriage to prepubescent girls.
Ezekiel 16:7–8 makes it clear the age of love is after some time has passed since a woman’s breasts have formed and hair has grown.
1 Corinthians 7:1–5 mentioned earlier outlines how in marriage, a husband must put his wife’s needs before his own when it comes to sex which is not possible if a man is having sex with a prepubescent girl as such an act is oppressive and selfish.
Ephesians 5:28–29 establishes a similar principle: In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Descriptive v prescriptive
One also needs to be wary of taking descriptive comments about decisions from Moses as prescriptions from God in places such as Numbers 31:17–18.
When the Bible is describing an event, it is not necessarily prescribing how to act!
Zaynab- When Muhammad marries his daughter-in-law
When the wind blows and Zaynab shows
“According to Yunus b. ‘Abd al-A‘la — Ibn Wahb — Ibn Zayd, who said: The Messenger of God had married Zayd b. Harithah to Zaynab bt. Jahsh, his paternal aunt’s daughter. One day the Messenger of God went out looking for Zayd.
Now there was a covering of haircloth over the doorway, but the wind had lifted the covering so that the doorway was uncovered. Zaynab was in her chamber, undressed, and admiration for her entered the heart of the Prophet.
After that happened, she was made unattractive to the other man. So he came and said, “Messenger of God, I want to separate myself from my companion.” Muhammad asked: “What is wrong? Has anything on her part disquieted you?” “No, by God,” replied Zayd, “nothing she has done has disquieted me, Messenger of God, nor have I seen anything but good.” The Messenger of God said to him, “Keep your wife to yourself, and fear God.” That is [the meaning of] the Word of God: Is “And when you said unto him on whom God has conferred favor and you have conferred favor, ‘Keep your wife to yourself, and fear God.’ And you did hide in your mind that which God was to bring to light.” You did hide in your mind [the thought] that “if he separates himself from her, I will marry her.” (Al-Tabari, Jami‘ al-Bayan fi Tafsir al-Qur’an, Vol.20, 274; al-Tabari, Tarikh al-Rusul wa al-Maluk, Vol. 2, 563; translated in Fishbein, Michael, The History of al-Tabari — Volume VIII — The Victory of Islam) 4).
From this, we see Muhammad marries Zaynab, the wife of his adopted son, Zayd.
Surah 33:37 builds on this context:
“And [remember, O Muḥammad], when you said to the one on whom Allāh bestowed favor and you bestowed favor, “Keep your wife and fear Allāh,” while you concealed within yourself that which Allāh is to disclose. And you feared the people, while Allāh has more right that you fear Him.
So when Zayd had no longer any need for her, We married her to you in order that there not be upon the believers any discomfort [i.e., guilt] concerning the wives of their claimed [i.e., adopted] sons when they no longer have need of them. And ever is the command [i.e., decree] of Allāh accomplished.”
This would appear to go against what Jesus says in Matthew 5:28:
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
How to QUIT Porn in 2024: 5 Tips
Will the next CS Lewis be lost to video games and porn?
Sex in heaven?
Muslims such as Shabir Ally, have stressed that Muslims can have motivation in avoiding succumbing to lust and alcohol by knowing ample sex and alcohol will be available in heaven.
Permanent erections and 72 pleasant vaginas?
In Sunan Ibn Majah 4337 we read of permanent erections and pleasant vaginas in heaven:
It was narrated from Abu Umamah that the Messenger of Allah said:
“There is no one whom Allah will admit to Paradise but Allah will marry him to seventy-two wives, two from houris and seventy from his inheritance from the people of Hell, all of whom will have desirable front passages (a pleasant vagina, emphasis mine) and he will have a male member that never becomes flaccid (i.e., soft and limp).’”
Big breasts and wine
Surah 78:31–36: Indeed, the righteous will have salvation — Gardens, vineyards, and full-bosomed maidens of equal age, and full cups ˹of pure wine˺, never to hear any idle talk or lying therein — a ˹fitting˺ reward as a generous gift from your Lord. — Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran
Heaven in Christianity?
Christians have no ability to escape God’s divine punishment or judgement in and of themselves.
By contrast, redemption is through the blood of Jesus.
Heaping Muslim Sins on Christians: Atonement in Islam?
Jesus pays the price for our sins to connect us with Himself
Matthew 20:28: Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
Luke 5:32: I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.
Ephesians 2:8–10: For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
The key highlight of heaven is being in God’s presence. The beauty, truth and love of God will overwhelm and fill hearts with inexpressible joy and gratitude to Jesus.
No marriage in heaven in Christianity
Jesus’ statement in Matthew 22:30 and Mark 12:25 suggests that in the resurrection, there will be no marriage or sexual relationships between humans, as they will be like the angels in heaven.
In fact the only wedding described in heaven is between Jesus and His metaphorical bride, the Church. To be part of the marriage supper of the Lamb one must trust in Jesus as Lord and Saviour (Rev. 19:1–20).
Thanks for reading Street Theologian! This post is public so feel free to share it.
Heaven is lit up by God’s presence
Revelation 21:3: And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God…And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. 23 And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb.
How will you escape God’s judgement and experience God’s joy?
For many, sex is a topic that brings feelings of shame and guilt. Before a righteous God, what will you trust in to escape your shame, guilt and God’s judgement?
Will you turn to Jesus to heal your inner wounds?
In Christianity, the answer is Jesus.
Jesus accepts the rejected, carries the fallen, cleanses the impure and embraces the hurting. Dark cracks in our lives a pathway for the light of Christ to shine if we open our hearts to Him.
Subscribe to our free Substack mailing list:
https://streettheologian.substack.com/
Or find us on X
https://twitter.com/StreetTheologn
Or Insta:
instagram.com/streettheologianapologetics/
Heaping Muslim Sins on Christians: Atonement in Islam?
Christianity and Islam: 20 Similarities
Which Worldview or Religion Should You Choose? 2 Questions to Help You on Your Journey
Is the QUR’AN Allah’s Eternal and UNCREATED WORD or Does it Contain BORROWED CONTENT? 14 Considerations
3 Key Stats on the Qur’an: 1-Minute Case
Did Christians COOK UP the Trinity? Responding to Religion and Politics at The Dinner Table
Is the Trinity in the Old Testament? 30 Passages for Consideration
3 Key Stats about the Qur’an
Why Call Me Good: Did Jesus Deny Being God? 1-Minute Case
How is Jesus God’s Only Son when Adam and others are called God’s sons? 1-Minute Case
Did Constantine INVENT Jesus as God?
Quoting Ehrman: 20 Bart Ehrman quotes every NON-CHRISTIAN should know
Short Conversations: Did Jesus Think He Is God?
Pre-40 AD Evidence Jesus Thought He Is God? 1-Minute Case
SLAVERY and the Bible: Your Comprehensive Guide
Did Jesus REALLY Rise from the Dead? Your Comprehensive Guide
Jordan Peterson on Christianity: Mythic Truth Messages for Muslims, Marxists and Male Christian Atheists
