7 Reasons You’re Still Hooked on Porn
Are you covering a deep wound with a thin band-aid?
By Vincent van Gogh — The Courtauld Institute of Art, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=29334036
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Note: This article is not to be taken as psychological, scientific, or medical advice. For such advice, please see a qualified professional.
This article contains material that might be helpful for both Christians and non-Christians.
Ever since we wrote our first article addressing porn use in 2022, we have connected with mostly men, but also some women, from around the globe sharing their struggles. Sadly, a very common pattern we have witnessed, time and time again, is for people to think 1–2 months in they have conquered a porn addiction for good, only to severely relapse and start watching porn multiple times a day again. This cycle often continues for years with seemingly no end in sight for many.
Given the widespread accessibility of the internet and the deeply entrenched nature of sexual desire, porn use is, for many on the planet, simply irresistible.
When you’re feeling down or stressed or lonely or in pain, there is an instant dopamine hit coming your way within fractions of a second through a near-infinite number of images or videos covering every conceivable act and beyond!
The deep, near-infinite recesses of human pain and its wide variety of causes meet a deep, vast, and near-infinite pool of pleasure.
Yet, there is more to this story than pain and pleasure colliding in an endless cycle.
When someone engages in porn use, it often serves as a thin band-aid over a deep wound and causes a deep compromise in one’s character.
It reflects a choice to see people as means to an end rather than with dignity (and yes, that includes AI-generated porn). It can also be an escape from the pain of reality.
Over time, this habit accumulates consequences — whether it’s severe moral compromise, emotional debt, or an unhealthy way of handling life’s pressures.
And the cycle continues. It’s no surprise, then, that porn use is linked to several negative effects, including:
- Increased depression
- Objectification of others, mainly women
- Strain on or destruction of marriages
- Wasted time and energy
- Loss of focus on meaningful tasks
- Over sexualisation of everyday life
We have links to peer reviewed articles demonstrating these points in our links below:
How to QUIT Porn in 2024: 5 Tips
Will the next CS Lewis be lost to video games and porn?
What if the pill intended to temporarily soothe pain is really a drug meant to keep you hooked, down, and desperate for life?
How long will you keep taking the pill before realising it’s the very thing keeping you in chains?
Today’s short article is not intended to be a spiritual beat-up session; rather, we are standing beside you as a peer, who wants you to grow. Growth often involves pain, and we all have our own unique struggles in life.
With that in mind, let’s get into it:
1. It temporarily soothes pain and stress
Porn use provides a substantial dopamine hit. In fact, research has indicated that watching a wide variety of porn scenes for hours can potentially provide a more substantial and prolonged dopamine hit than engaging in physical sexual acts for a similar amount of time.
Reward Foundation
Given its accessibility, porn becomes a quick fix, a medication — a way to escape feelings of stress, anger, loneliness, depression, etc. A band-aid solution that ignores healing the deeper wounds in life.
Do this for long enough, and it becomes a standard way to manage stress.
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2. Failing to take responsibility for your actions
One thing I frequently see happen is social media being blamed for someone watching porn. Instagram might have triggered you, but you choose whether or not you respond to the trigger.
Ultimately, you need to be responsible for your choices. You chose to click that link. You chose to let that thought sink in further. You chose to do something behind your wife’s back again.
3. You avoid embracing discomfort in other areas of life
You reap what you sow (Gal. 6:7). If you avoid embracing discomfort in other areas of life, you may well make it harder to avoid embracing the discomfort of a sexual urge that wants to be expressed in an unhelpful way.
When you neglect discipline in small areas of life, it affects your ability to resist temptation in bigger areas. Consider these habits:
- Waking up late every day
- Scrolling social media first thing in the morning
- Avoiding exercise or personal growth
- Avoiding learning new skills
- Always taking warm showers instead of pushing discomfort
- Choosing junk food over home-cooked meals
- Drinking excessively
- Making impulsive purchases instead of tidying your space
- Binge-watching Netflix instead of going to the gym or reading or doing chores or working on a project
- Engaging in frequent gossip instead of meaningful, but uncomfortable conversations
Not all of these things are always bad, but together, they shape your mindset. If you avoid discipline in these areas, quitting porn will feel even harder.
The Gambler Vasily P Wikimedia Commons
4. Ignoring the fact your brain has been reshaped and needs time to adjust to how it was
Porn addiction rewires your brain. Over time, it creates a habit loop — whenever you feel stressed or anxious, your brain automatically craves sexual pleasure as relief.
Breaking free from this pattern isn’t easy. When you deny your brain its usual fix, it may feel like it’s screaming for relief.
Many who try to quit porn experience extreme urges in the beginning. They often mistake this for weakness. In reality, these struggles are proof that you’re getting stronger.
The dying animal is screaming louder, desperately trying to stay alive. It’s a sign you’re actually starting to wield a sword in the fight against this dark entity.
The struggle shapes you. The pain is your brain reshaping. Let it remould. Keep embracing the pain. The struggle is progress.
Image Courtesy of Lawrence V. Tucker, M.D., PLLC, Diplomate, American Board of Psychiatry & Neurology and Appearing in the Conquer Series
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5. Not having a greater love or purpose
One of the best ways to get over a bad habit is to replace it with a good one. Humans have desires and affections; that is natural.
However, if the most important thing for you in life is sexual pleasure, it will be very difficult to overcome sexual addictions.
For a sexual addiction to lose its power over you, it helps to have a greater love. Trying to avoid sexual thoughts all day when you have nothing else to set your mind on or that you care more about is a recipe for disaster.
A business that is more important to you than a few seconds of pleasure. A marriage and family that hold more weight than a scene of someone you have no connection with. An intellectual pursuit or hobby that, after years of effort, will yield far more fruit than a ruinous addiction.
But wait… All those things have their limits too. Ultimately, as Christians, we believe we are deeply wired for a relationship with God.
Christ shows His love to us, putting sacrifice ahead of the path of easy pleasure in enduring the cross for our sake.
God’s love, etched in pain and blood on the cross, shows the beauty of sacrifice and the depth of affection.
Are human relationships, hobbies, intellectual pursuits, etc., good things? Absolutely, but they find their source in God and are gifts from God, not replacements for Him.
Belmeida de Almeiro, Arrufos
6. If you’re a Christian, forgetting you were cleansed from your former sins and are a new creation
2 Peter 1:3–9 outlines the traits of the Christian, who, through the knowledge of God has all they need for life and godliness. Virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness and love.
Yet, what is the issue with someone who lacks these traits? They’ve forgotten they have been cleansed from their former sins and are, as such, nearsighted and blind.
Coming to Jesus is a lot more than just reconciliation or forgiveness, it is about transformation.
Those who are in Christ are a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). Through the Spirit’s power you can press into God’s strength in your temptation. Stop and genuinely ask yourself if you believe, the power of the Spirit can overcome the power of porn?
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7. Misunderstanding grace — from being stuck in shame to embracing apathy
Grace is a fundamental and distinguishing feature of Christianity. Christ offers reconciliation and salvation we did not deserve ourselves, nor could we earn of our own merit.
Yet, many sadly misunderstand grace. We tend to swing to two extremes — apathy or endless shame.
Some think grace is a license to sin, and as Christianity is fundamentally about grace, works are irrelevant.
Grace is fundamental and foundational to your salvation. You are saved by grace through faith (Eph. 2:8), not of your own works. However, what are you saved for? For good works in Christ Jesus (Eph. 2:10). True faith is unable to be separated from works, for faith without works is dead (James 2:17).
Two Great Misconceptions About Christianity: 1-Minute Case
Moreover, the grace God offers trains us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in the present age (Titus 2:12). God’s grace shapes change.
On the other hand, others can neglect the role of grace deep down and act as if everything comes down to them. Whether or not they’re strong enough to resist temptation alone.
Failing to meet their own standards and unsure how to make amends for it, such people often go through life with endless shame that they then try and medicate with more porn which fuels more shame which fuels more porn and on and on it goes.
Struggling with quitting porn is a sign of life. A sign you are battling with sin. It is Jesus who accomplished what you could not through His death and resurrection. Taking on the consequences of sin and rising to new life.
Press into the cleansing Christ offers and trust and ask for His work to shape you.
Ask. Honestly. Sincerely. Take all your wounds and struggles to God in prayer. Don’t hold back.
Even our rational faculties and will are gifts from God that can help in the journey!
You’re not alone in this battle, and true freedom is possible.
Take it one step at a time, lean into God’s grace knowing you are completely dependant on God, and keep moving forward — healing is worth the fight.
More articles linked below:
Thanks for reading Street Theologian! This post is public so feel free to share it.
How to QUIT Porn in 2024: 5 Tips
Don’t go into 2023 hooked on porn
Will the next CS Lewis be lost to video games and porn?
12 Reasons most Christian men are hooked on porn and what to do about it
Why doesn’t God help me stop committing this sin?
Where is your ATTENTION going? 6 Biblical Ways to refocus your attention
Death Approaches: Live with a Sense of Urgency
Jordan Peterson on Christianity: Mythic Truth Messages for Muslims, Marxists and Male Christian Atheists
Two GREAT MISCONCEPTIONS about Christianity
Robert Greene Meets with Andrew Huberman: The Search for God is Real
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